Within Love's Shadows
by Surreal Realities
Summary: How many years since the war has it been? It seems like an endless void of nothingness to Kira Yamato since that day... ASUKIRA yey I'm back!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I tried to make this one better then my previous two, considering I went through a few reads picking and editing a lot of

Part 1: Emerald and Amethyst

Chapter 1: No Letting go

It had been three years… three, long, years… But the time frame between them seemed almost irrelevant as Kira looked back at his bleak past; nothing important, nothing special, maybe, perhaps the word for it was just that: _Nothing_. No, it was the day before those years that Kira could still remember, not clearly, no, that was, perhaps, what made those three years seem so long… He had worked so hard to scrub out the memory of those painful weeks. Yet he could still remember those words… those, memorizing emerald green eyes… that girl.

_"Kira, you know you're my best friend?"_ He had spoken so silently, his eyes trained on a moving car on the other side of the glass behind Kira. His practically flawless complexion blank; the boy's emerald eyes showing no sign of the previous affection they once held. '_A long time ago_.' Kira recalled idly, when they were friends…

Back then they were so happy, everything was so full of life… full of promise… full of _love_. But it had all changed in the space of four years. It had changed so much- Kira had so foolishly fallen into the conversation he wished he never heard.

"_Marriage."_

That was what he had said—and a number of other things inapposite to the main topic of concern. But _marriage?_ He had chosen… chosen somebody else.

It was a Sunday. He could remember that much, a Sunday... not which particular Sunday, not what hour… just, Sunday. And perhaps, out of vague recollection, it had also been spring.

The flowers.

He could definitely remember those; Pastel purples and pinks… white too, scattering the still unthawed ground, like the discarded papers of some careless student's first exam.

_Heartbreak._

_Tears._

_Hurt._

_Pain_.

But not physical pain… no, emotional pain, the kind of pain that reached down so deep into his heart that not even the strongest pair of pliers could force it to budge. Kira had tried, on countless occasions, yet the endless struggle to forget soon became futile. His efforts producing nothing but a damp mound of relentless sorrow.

_When you've found them… the one person you will love forever, what do you do if they don't love you back? _

_You just keep fighting I suppose._

Pink hair, a soothing voice. The sweet songstresses words had subdued him. But only for a little while. The calming moments he had spent with her soon became idle and increasingly annoying. Before long her intoxicating singsong lyrics only made the hurt more searing. Lacus's words of comfort began to suffocate him in to a relentless depression and seclusion. He supposed, it could be viewed from another's eyes, that the pink princess was partly at fault for his present situation.

_Was he the only one?_

_Why him then?_

The boy with emerald eyes, the girl with gold for hair, both of them smiling, both of them… so… in love.

_Love._

Kira laughed half-heartedly, his voice ringing hollow in the remorseful air of his darkened apartment.

_What is love? _

The question that had haunted him for so many years -since that Sunday- now arose once more; up to the surface, like bubbles from the bottom of a shifting creek.

_Why me?_

_Why him?_

Why did they even meet? Was he destined for such sorrow? Or was this just some kind of sadistic payback for what he had done; the lives that he had taken?

Nothing was certain.

But one thing, yes, one thing was… Kira was sure of only one thing; the one piece of information that kept him even half-sane. That one, vital, piece that assured him he was not completely at fault, that he alone did not bring this upon himself.

"_Nobody can help how they feel, Kira."_

He was sure, so sure that the raw reality of his awareness hurt. It hurt him so much, as if a sharpened knife was being gored into his already wounded heart.

Kira was sure that he loved the boy with emeralds for eyes. He was sure of that. As sure as he was of living, Kira knew he loved him… and he would never stop… no, he had already tried that. Kira wished it were different. That maybe, he could forget him. Like he had others. _The hateful redhead, the beautiful songstress_… but no, not him… he was "the one", the one who held his heart captive and refused to release it, no matter what, if not on purpose then on a subconscious level. Kira knew it, and he was sure _he_ did too. The truth was too obvious to ignore. Lingering with every followed footstep, with every caught breath, with every averted gaze, Kira was bound to the truth with heavy limbs and gigantic chains. And _he_ held the key… the key to Kira's heart that he would never give up. Kira was trapped in a painful rut that was growing deeper and far more oppressing with each passing day. And the one he loved so dearly was the one who held the power to free him.

But he wouldn't, Kira knew that he never would. For the man he loved, loved another… The man he loved wasAthrun Zalaand the other…? Cagali Yula Athha… his sister.


	2. Chapter 2

Oh, it italics are the character's thoughts

Part 1- Emerald and Amethyst

Chapter 2- Telemarketer

_Ring, Ring, Ring…_

The unmistakable howl of the telephone sounded, its' trying tone echoing the small household to its' very foundation.

_Ring, Ring, Ring…_

The phone repeated testily, demanding that its summon be heeded immediately.

Sighing inwardly, Sierra blinked away the last chance at sleep from her dreary lids, chasing away the small demons of dreams from the fatigued recesses of her mind, and sat up as the telephone, once more, cried loudly for an answer. "I'm coming, I'm coming." Sierra muttered her tired voice bordering on indignation as she rose to stand. As the woman placed her feet on the ground the cold tile floor seemed to send a shockwave through her body, it's chilling components unpleasant to her still dozing senses.

The phone wailed again, startling her even further.

Then, gingerly at first, Sierra crossed her small kitchen to where her indignant phone sat, still wailing and howling as she lifted it to her ear and punched the "Talk" button.

"Hello?" Sierra asked, her voice tired and still muffled by the sleep that continued to tempt her senses. Not getting an immediate answer: Sierra repeated her question, running slender fingers through her long, red locks of hair in impatience.

Suddenly the line at the other end came to life as a young man's voice spoke up, stumbling over his words as he began: "Y-yes, um, good morning ma'am!" The speaker greeted, his tone very formal and polite, _almost apologetic._ Sierra noted as she listened to what the man had to say. "May I please speak to Ms. Makintoniuk?" He asked, _once again, polite. _

"Speaking."

"Oh, yes, um, well, I'm calling on behalf of Sky grasper incorporated, I was wondering if you would mind taking a few moments to answer a number of questions for a survey we're conducting I –" Frowning, the man tapped lightly on his standard issue headset. "Hello, Ma'am?" The line was dead. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and forcefully hit a button on the computer screen before him, another number popping up as he did so. How many numbers had it been now? Ten? Twenty? And it was only nine in the morning_! This was the mundane life of a telemarketer_, the man rationed bitterly in his head as he leaned forward to dial the next number before him, the industrial glow of the screen reflecting dully in his unenthusiastic amethyst eyes. _ Number after number, day after day, reject after reject…_ Kira Yamato sighed and cleared his throat in preparation for the next pitch, straightening up in his uncomfortable office chair as he did so. His small impulsive gesture of exemplified posture remaining unheeded and unseen to those on the other end of the line. _Perhaps it's just human nature to try and make a good impression._ Kira mused, noting other marketers around him doing the same: their polite actions and mannerisms pointless due to their present handicap of only being heard and not seen.

"Hello?" A voice sounded from the headphone lingering loosely inside Kira's right ear, jolting the small adult from his pointless preoccupation.

"Oh! Yes, hello! My name is Kira Yamato, may I please speak to Mr. or Mrs. Korbisser?" Kira stumbled, quickly recovering from his short bout of dissipation.

"Speaking."

"Hello, I'm calling on behalf of Sky grasper incorporated—"

_The mundane life of a telemarketer…_

It was a cool April afternoon; the small lingering threat of winter still clung fast to every trembling leaf and flower that dared blossom at this time of year. The bitter chill of winter remaining, chasing away lush greens and the vibrant colours that accompanied spring on her tiresome journey around the globe each year. Yet the streets were still full of uplifting laughter and the cheerful calls that rung out on the crisp air, beckoning Summer's swift return from it's hibernation deep down south.

To Kira's dismay, the streets were crowded with people that day, the cobblestone pathways teeming with life and energy as he pushed and squeezed through the wriggling bodies around him, grumbling all the while. The discreet tempt of a late lunch was the only force pushing him forward, through the thick crowd of mid-afternoon shoppers and on to his destination. Upon passing a small flower stand the brunette froze, his amethyst eyes landing rigidly on a bright set of flowers.

_Pastel purples and pinks… white too, scattering the still unthawed ground, like the discarded papers of some careless student's first exam._

His mouth hanging open in a sort of raw shock, Kira struggled to regain his composure as the bustling crowd behind him swept the brunette away, the flowers leaving his sight. "Oh well..." Kira muttered sullenly to himself, his amethyst orbs downcast, reflecting the stormy skies above. "Maybe it's for the best…" The brunette continued his trek towards a small coffee shop, his previous endeavors proving no more useful as he ventured closer to his destination. Dispirited and sullen, Kira still made it there within five minutes, his tanned hands shoved rigidly into the boy's coat pockets, his dark mop of brown hair hung low to shield from the persistent wind. Sitting down at a small table, Kira tried to relax. Taking deep breaths and leaning back against the whicker chair, he soon felt his heartbeat returning to normal.

_Why can't I let go?_

The persistent question circled his head once more, receiving an indignant and frustrated shake of the head from the brunette. He'd been over this far too many times. Mulled it over in his mind for countless months. With no answer… As far as Kira could tell, the only thing the question did was stir even more confusion and doubt. Thinking on it only stressed him out further. Does Athrun really love his sister? Does Cagali love Athrun? Does Kira even love Athrun? Or was this just some kind of sick allusion that had manifested itself over the countless months they were fighting, striving to draw the others blood upon a whim of self assurance that their side was right. Sighing dejectedly Kira rubbed his frigid hands together, the friction between them creating momentary warmth that quickly dispelled as he slowed.

"May I take your order?" The familiar voice of a server floated to Kira's ears, awakening him from his sort of bleak trance the brunette was so accustomed to slip into these days.

"Oh, yes!" Flashing an uneasy smile at the beaming waitress Kira placed his order, his hands still shaky from the cold as he handed her his menu. As the waitress left, Kira heaved a burdened sigh and leaned back, once again, on the impressionable chair he had so quickly risen from as the waitress had spoken. His mind slowly meandering back to the previous topic of concern, Kira let a shiver run through him. Noting this persistent chill, the small coordinator rose from his seat and headed for the bathroom, hoping to chase the cold (and perhaps the thoughts) away with warm water.

As Kira stepped from the warm sanctuary of the coffee house, his meal acting as a peculiar shield from the cold, it's warmth heating his core from the inside out, he pulled his collar back up, the boy's hands jamming quickly, once more, into his worn pockets. "Winter." Kira muttered bitterly through clenched teeth as he felt the colds impenetrable fingers wrap themselves around his limbs, slowly numbing them to the sullen chill. Wandering, more slowly then he had came, down the busy street, Kira's eyes caught sight of a smiling couple. Arms linked, their rosy-cheeked faces beaming lovingly into one another's eyes, Kira wondered if a paradise such as that actually existed, or if, for that matter, it was possible to love someone so unconditionally. If someone had asked Kira that question mere months ago he would have undoubtedly answered with a beaming "yes." "Foolish" Kira scoffed as his eyes picked out another laughing couple from the crowd, his comment's dual meanings holding true in his own eyes. Of course it was impossible, nobody could fall so blindly in love, you would have to be a gullible fool to believe that… The boy's thoughts trailing off, Kira sniffed morosely and pushed forward, "Nobody could be that stupid…"

Perhaps it was the hunched dejected air the small boy was giving off, or maybe the petulant disheveled air hanging over his head. Or maybe it was just the mere fact that she knew him. Her blue eyes radiating kindness and warmth Mirialia Haww quickly slipped through the crowd and up beside Kira. "You seem fairly upset!"

The familiar voice beside Kira shifted him once more from his desolate mind-set. His eyes swinging quickly from the ground to his familiar counterpart, an uneven smile broke upon Kira's face. "Mir!" He exclaimed. The boy's voice seemed almost hoarse as he conveyed his surprise to the concerned photographer.

Smiling cheerily, Mir gave Kira a warm hug, their cold cheeks brushing against one another, the contact registering fuzzily in Kira's numbed mind. "Ooh Kira! It's been so long! How are you?" Mirialia inquired happily, giving her friends shoulder a squeeze as she beamed cheerfully. The bubbly brunette's welcoming air never seemed intrusive as she swung him over to a nearby bench and sat him down beside her, smiling warmly all the while at her bedraggled friend.

"F-fine!" Kira managed to stammer the shock of running into an old friend taking its time to sink into the boy's whirring mind. His eyes taking in Mir's appearance, Kira smiled. _Same old Mir._ The girl sported a heavy winter jacket, her bright toque and scarf standing out amongst the heavily, and quite depressingly, dressed passers by. Mir's chestnut brown hair was still cut short and flipped out by her shoulders, framing he petite face. Along with the bright winter-wear Mira still sported a dress, coming to her knees, the rest of her legs covered with black stockings. All-in-all Kira really did not see much of a change in his old friend. "What are you doing here?" The amethyst-eyed coordinator managed to stammer, his light timid voice betraying un-eased surprise.

Ignoring Kira's somewhat repelling tone, Miri launched into a long explanation as to why she was there, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement as she spoke of her recent travels as a photographer. "I never would have imagined a job like this would be so… amazing!" The brunette girl exclaimed happily, watching Kira's reaction perceptively through her excited act. As she neared the end of her explanation Miri's face dropped, finally revealing her initial concern. "Okay Kira," Mir suddenly stated, her voice much lower and far more serious than she had previously been, "I know something's wrong… You haven't spoken much. What's bothering you?"

Staring straight into the coordinators eyes, it was hard for Kira to look away trying his best to spin out a believable lie. "Wh-what? N-nothing's wrong Mir…" Was all the stunned brunette could manage to squeak out, his voice's telltale shake giving him away. The peppy young photographer had caught Kira completely off-guard, shattering his thin barrier between reality and thought. For the past few months Kira had been living, completely detached to the world. His mind elsewhere, his thoughts roaming where they may, this sudden encounter momentarily brought everything together, the shattering of his thin, foggy, realm exposing him to the clear outside world. It felt as if he had been living in a haze, suddenly everything around Kira seemed brighter, sharper, louder. The overwhelming effect it had on the brunette caused him to close his eyes tightly in vein attempt to block out the surrounding life. Then, little by little, the haze slowly returned, shrouding his world, once again, in a blurry, muffled haze. "Listen, Mir," Kira found himself speaking calmly, "I'm perfectly fine. Some things have been going on a work… but other than that, life is pretty… bearable…" The clam-ness and nearly believable sincerity in Kira's voice stunned even himself. It was as if he had been set on autopilot, the words flowing out without a second thought.

Frowning, Mir gave Kira a suspicious look. "Alright, if that's really all it is…" She muttered, confused and worried expressions flitting openly across the young woman's features. Her face was an open slate to her emotions.

_There weren't many people he knew,_ Kira thought, _that were so open with their emotions._ Then, smiling reassuringly, Kira placed a cool hand on Mir's gloved one. "Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly fine." He then flashed her an uneasy smile and glanced down as his watch. The smile suddenly transformed into one of utter horror, the brunette's face twisting into a mask of shear panic. "Um… Mir." Kira started, his voice now hurried and stressed. "I'm twenty minutes late… I should go!" With that said, the brunette bolted up from the bench and took off, running down the street, his mop of brown hair quickly disappearing into a sea of busy citizens.

Watching after the disheveled coordinator, Miri gave in indignant huff. That was far less useful than she had hoped. "I hope what you're saying is true…" The girl murmured, a slight note of concern on her light tone. Then, turning and heading in the opposite direction, Mir disappeared into the crowd as well, the wind leaving no traces of their previous confrontation.

**All right, so after much striving for perfection (which I still have not obtained) I present you with the second installment of this story. I hope you guys enjoy Kira's constant angst (I'm getting a little sick of it lol) and hopefully Athrun will soon make an appearance. So, feel free to leave me some constructive comments I would whole-heartedly appreciate it considering I need a new beta reader (my old one got a little bit busy). So thanks and I will hopefully have the next chapter up soon!**

** Noodels!**


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